My INSECURITY Blanket

Hello.

My name is Shawnee.

And I'm an insecure person.

There, I said it!  I'M INSECURE!!!! 

I don't think many people will understand how difficult that is to type, much less admit....the problem with admitting it is that I automatically feel like people will misunderstand me. But the irony is they really should understand me the more. However the pain of  INSECURITY is also wrapped up in the HEALING.....  

YOU HAVE TO EXPOSE WHAT'S REALLY ON THE INSIDE

I think INSECURITY is one of the most commonly misdiagnosed ailments in people. It comes in so many different shapes, forms and behavioral patterns you often can't pinpoint it. Society has taught us that INSECURITY looks a certain way but almost always it exist in behaviors that are both familiar and  polar opposites

I'm INSECURE so I..... 

overeat ...............................don't eat at all 

underachieve........................overachieve 

can't accept criticism............criticize everyone else

compete with everyone ................am afraid of competition

try to control others.......................refuse to be controlled

talk too loud .......................................don't talk enough

act nonchalant about everything............seem moved by anything 


BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE TRUTH IS.....

I'm INSECURE, so I try to do whatever is necessary NOT to be found out BECAUSE my FEAR of being EXPOSED before people is greater than my DESIRE to be FREE in CHRIST!

INSECURITY to me is like a tree.....since I've spent close to 30 years dealing with it I know its roots run deep and MY branches are long and full of leaves....Some leaves have fallen due to the natural change of seasons in life but often times other leaves have taken the place of those that the seasons have taken away.

I've finally decided that it is time to UPROOT this tree...I know it WON'T be easy but thankfully I've called on a professional to handle the project because I know that I cannot....

I've am confidently calling on Jesus in my time of need.....Christ has come to make an impossible and overbearing job bearable....

 Matthew 11:28-29

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

He has sent His Word to prune my diseased branches

He has sent The Holy Spirit to comfort my cold and exposed inner and outer man

He has sent excellent friends and family to be a multitude of counselors where I can find safety from the elements that will try to take advantage of my vulnerability

He has sent His Love to dry up every poisonous root so that I can no longer infect myself or the other trees around me. 

And in the place of all that He is taking away....just like the restorer I know Him to be He has planted me as a new tree BUT this time I'm planted by the river that flows with Living Water, my roots are growing faster and stronger than ever before and the SON is shining directly on me.

 I shall not be moved... 

The MOST POWERFUL part of my testimony is that CHRIST DID IT!

The MOST HUMBLING part of my testimony is that He has allowed me to SHARE IT! 

Hello.

My name is Shawnee.

And I'm an INSECURE person, but the SON has set me FREE!


I think this is the part where everyone in the room is supposed to respond back , HI SHAWNEE!

JOHN 8:36

My Solitary Confinement...

I just want to be FREE.

I know that may seem corny or even cliche  but it's what I want...

I know in my heart someone else is aching for the same...I am confident God desires for me to be transparent about it because others have thought it, said it, screamed or cried it at some point in their lives.  

#FACT: There are moments that we become overwhelmed and we feel the pressure begin to surround us as if we're in a small jail cell. 

#FACT: Those moments are so lonely they are indescribable. You can't cry out the pain and you can't fight the frustration.

# FACT: The worst part of this moment is that it remains a secret to the world around you.

~In my HEART I want to be FREE, so I can love without fear. In my MIND I want to be FREE, so that I'm no longer paralyzed by self doubt.  In my RELATIONSHIPS I want to be FREE so that I can be the vessel God has called me to be for others.~

~ME~

 

This blog is about my journey to FREEDOM in some respects but more so about my desire to help someone else avoid the mistake of self confinement.


This blog is about a young woman who lived many years lonely in crowds, full of secrets rooted in shame, the life of the party but dead in my own mind, defensive against the defenseless and angry at my own lack of peace. 


Until the day I discovered the window in my jail cell....and then EVERYTHING CHANGED. 

EVERYTHING CHANGED the day I let the SON shine in....

 *John 8:36*